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What Makes People Compatible

We’re all looking for that special someone that just gets us.  Someone we are comfortable with, someone we can trust, and someone that truly understands who we are – easier said than done.  What makes people compatible? Compatibility is complex and can vary from couple to couple, but there are a few things you should think about when you’re thinking about compatibility with your partner.

Opposites Attract

Everyone knows the phrase ‘opposites attract,’ because it generally is true.  You’ll see a lot of couples that work perfectly together who are total opposites of one another.  This indicates that the couples’ individual personalities are conducive to learning and trying new things, which is why they’re attracted to people very different from themselves.

Having opposite behaviours and attitudes can influence the way a person behaves and thinks in the relationship, which doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing.  For instance, if someone is quick to anger and is with someone who is consistently calm, they may not be so quick to anger after spending time with their partner. These good influences are what make opposite personalities work in relationships.[

So Do Similar Personalities

On the other hand, there are plenty of successful relationships with couples who have very similar personalities and interests.  People naturally are attracted to those who are like themselves. Having personality traits and hobbies that are similar to their own is a great sign of compatibility in a relationship – with the same traits and hobbies, you can develop the same long-term goals for the relationship.  Your values and interests are what determine your behaviours, which in turn drives compatibility.

Think about what you find most attractive in a partner.  Are those same traits and characteristics something you see in yourself?  It’s natural for us to seek out those that are similar to us because there’s a natural compatibility when two personalities are similar.  There’s usually less conflict and more cohesion in the relationship.

Nobody’s Perfect

The key to compatibility is accepting that nobody is perfect.  Everybody has flaws, it’s just how we handle flaws in our partners that will make or break a relationship.  Accepting and embracing flaws sets the foundation for success. There are some flaws that you may even find attractive and unique.  

However, there are some flaws that we can’t overlook because they go against our core values and beliefs – regardless of how attractive a person is or how much chemistry you have with another person, those kinds of flaws are never good for a relationship.  As you learn more about a person over time you’ll begin to learn about their flaws as well – and they’ll learn about yours.

Open Communication

The key to any successful relationship is open and honest communication.  The same can be said for communication – your communication styles need to be similar, otherwise your arguments won’t be resolved, your needs won’t be met, and you won’t have a successful relationship.  That may sound harsh, but a foundation of open communication is the key to getting over differences in a relationship. Without communication, your compatibility with your partner won’t improve or develop.

If you’re in a relationship that isn’t fulfilling your needs, don’t give up on it just yet – have an honest discussion to see if your partner is receptive to change.  It’s often as simple as voicing your concerns for your relationship to change for the better. When that happens, your partner understands what you need in the relationship, and your compatibility improves.

Compatibility is tricky to define in each relationship, and even trickier to improve.  The good news is that you can grow more compatible with someone as your relationship progresses, so even if you’re not as compatible as you’d hope at the start of a new relationship, doesn’t mean it won’t blossom into something wonderful.